Of Course I Was Tagged by Jayniek -- She Runs Faster Than I Do

This morning I logged into my precious Gmail account only to find that I had been meme-tagged by my good friend Jayniek of Critical Fluff and Beyond Madison Avenue fame. She's famous for a lot of other things (like getting DQ'ed from a track meet), but I'm calling out the highlights.

Anyway, the topic of the meme is "5 Things You Probably Don't Know About Me." I considered taking the easy way out with items like "1) right now I am drinking lemon-ginger tea" or "2) I'm not sure if the lemon ginger part of the phrase lemon-ginger tea is hyphenated," but that seemed too clever and ...

1) I hate "clever." Prime example: Memento. All of the dialogue in that movie could be replaced by the following: "This film was written by Christopher Nolan. Isn't it really witty and aren't all of theze CRAZY flashbacks really edgy?" Side note: Guy Pearce will always be cool because of The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Dessert. This also makes Hugo Weaving permanently cool.

2) Right now I am drinking lemon ginger tea. I keed, I keed. Number 2, really:
I am very, very afraid of the dark. I have been my whole life. I can't explain it. Once a friend of my father's told me that I shouldn't be afraid of the dark because, get this, the dark was just like the light, except it was dark. I think that might be an actual koan.

3) I will only eat gummy candy, which I LOVE, if I am no more than 4 steps away from my toothbrush.

4) If I was on death row, this is what I would want for my last meal: nachos, onion rings, corn on the cob, brie en croute, green bean casserole and -- THAT's what I'm talkin' about -- jello cake.

5) I am secretly attracted to John McEnroe. It is my hidden shame. Please don't be horrified. I promise you that I am also attracted to many legitimately attractive people like George Clooney and Ewan McGregor and Paul Newman (back in the day, people, back in the day). But I can't help it. Somehow John McEnroe makes the list. Oh, and Nicole Kidman. She's on that list too.

And there you have it. Or them. Those five things are what you have.

Whether you like it or not.